(The following story will be told around campfires for generations.  Each time it is told, it will be changed in accordance with Pass Patrol’s standard policies and procedures for campfire tales.)

“Yup!  I remember the winter of ‘97.  That was a tough one.  Cold ‘nuf to freeze the handles off’uh space heater.”

That was the year ole Trapdoor went and run off with one uh Outlaw’s girls.  Seems Outlaw was out in California tryin to git that lawyer friend of his ... Badhat they call’um ... anyway tryin to git Badhat to help him beat a parking ticket he got down at the stock show the year before.  Although Outlaw denies it, Trapdoor says outlaw figured $15 bucks was a little steep just fer parking in the back of one of them cattle trucks.  There just weren’t no parking places left and he figured that cattle truck weren’t goin’ no where till the show was over nohow.

Anyway, ole Trapdoor figured he could run off with one uh Outlaws girls ... you remember that story “Outlaw and the girls” ... he figured he could run off with one of’um fer a week or so and Outlaw wouldn’t never need to know long as he got’er back fore Outlaw got back from California.  Turns out Magnolia was itchin’ to travel as bad as Trapdoor so he didn’t hafta ask her twice.  Ole Trapdoor was so proud of himself fer gittin Magnolia to go along, he went and asked Sunshine if she would go to.  Seem’s that cute little button had gone and dropped a Dutch Oven on her foot and couldn't make the trip.  Well, soon as she turned him down, ole Trapdoor figured he’ed better not push his luck.  He was afraid if he kept Magnolia waitin’ too long, she just might go without him and he’ed never find her.  Ever since Outlaw showed’er how to use that Magellan 4000 GPS, she’s as good at hidin out as he is.

Now you gotta remember, this story about the adventures of Trapdoor and Magnolia has been told around campfires ever since the winter of ‘97 so we ain’t sure we got all our ducks in a row.  In other words, some of the facts mighta got distorted a little, but I’m certain it’s absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt still got a little bit of truth in there somewhere.

It was on New Year's Day, back in the winter of ‘97 when Trapdoor and Magnolia secretely met about 10 miles south of Castle Rock. Both of their mounts were healthy and they were well provisioned for their journey.  Magnolia on ole Hancock ( a Jeep, Cherokee that keeps gittin stolen all the time) and Trapdoor on ole Bumper (a beat-up Bronco that just cain’t seem to be stopped no matter what you do to it.)  I swear, one look at ole Bumper and you wouldn’t even think it could be started ... but shucks ... once you fire that thing up, it’s all you can do to keep it from blowin’ everything else off the road.

Trapdoor and Magnolia headed south.  They didn’t know exactly where they were going, but they were going until there was no more snow.  The first night they hid out near Roswell, New Mexico at a place called Bottomless Lakes.

While they were resting down at bottomless lakes, they robbed two trains carrying payrolls for the local Alien Artifacts Mines.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to spend Alien money in New Mexico so they ended up giving it all back in exchange for a flying saucer.  No one ever saw the flying saucer but they swore they had one.  Although Magnolia denies it, Trapdoor says she backed it into a tree trying to get it parked at the campsite.  According to Magnolia, Trapdoor was showin’ off in the stupid thing and nearly ended his infamous career when he drove it off into a sinkhole filled with water.  She was laughin’ so hard at him sloshin’ around in that sinkhole, she dropped her spoon and hit him right on the head with it.  While she was rollin around on the ground in hysterics, Trapdoor used the spoon to dig steps in the side of the sinkhole and crawl out.  Magnolia claims he was nearly in tears as he watched their only flying saucer gurgle, gurgle, a few times and disappear in the muck.

Unfortunately their crime spree put lawmen and bounty hunters on their trail.  Seems them folks in Roswell don’t take kindly to somebody distroyin’ one of their flying saucers.  Trapdoor and Magnolia headed for one of Outlaws old hideouts in the Lincoln National Forest.  Magnolia claimed Trapdoor was real easy to follow with his long johns hangin out the tailgate.  Seems he only brought one pair and that was the quickest way to dry’um out after that episide in the sinkhole.

They finally made it to the Lincolns but they never could find that hideout Outlaw used back in `87.  Although Outlaw denies it, Trapdoor claims Outlaw had buried some items there and had always been a little vague concerning its whereabouts.  Seems X-files was still looking for those items.  Trapdoor is convinced Outlaw got them from a crashed spaceship back in ‘87.  Trapdoor says Outlaw’s exposure to those items is responsible for the way he is, although he did not clarify that accusation.

Trapdoor and Magnolia were able to find some of the trails Outlaw had written about in a book called 1987 Trails & Tales, but were never able to find the actual hideout.

However, they did find a spot with good water, plenty of firewood, little wind and lots of deer to make stew.  They named the place Good Stew Hideout and stayed there until Mother Nature found them and turned the thermostat way down low.  The two desperados decided to seek a hideout at a lower elevation.  They claim to have found an alien navigation beacon while wandering in the desert looking for a new hideout.  They tried to establish a hideout in some caves near Carlsbad, N.M., but the cave drove them batty so they had to leave (Trapdoor was beginning to see parts of the cave that weren't really there).

At that point, Trapdoor began to git a little nervous about being out there with one of Outlaw’s girls so he picked up his cell phone and called Outlaw’s cell phone.  Outlaw’s wife answered and said she didn’t know where Outlaw was.  The last she saw him, he and Badhat were heading off to find somebody called Charlie Brown.

Trapdoor figured Outlaw would still be busy for a while since “Everybody’s always pickin’ on him” ... Charlie Brown that is.

The story is quite obscure after that, but from what I heard, it wasn’t over yet.  Seems they established a hideout called Candlelight Dinner Hideout.  According to Magnolia, the wind was blowing so hard they couldn’t git a fire going so Trapdoor opened the tailgate on ole Bumper and tossed everything out on the ground.  He and Magnolia crawled into the back of ole Bumper out of the wind.  They fired up a coleman stove for cookin and Magnolia dug out the candle she used for Loco Weeds birthday on that trip referred to as Outlaw and the Girls.  No one is sure what them two desperados got mixed up in after that, but the Pinkertons were lookin for them concerning some missing artifacts at a non-existant UFO crash site near Carlsbad, N.M. and the alien abduction of a train on its way to El Paso, TX.  Magnolia used to tell the story of how they would pull off a job and then return to Candlelight Dinner Hideout, have a few beers, and recount the adventures of the day. Unfortunately, they almost got caught by a posse when Trapdoor stopped in the diner car of one of the trains and demanded a Fat Boy ice cream bar.  Since the diner didn’t have any, they had to send out to 7-11 for one which gave the Pinkertons time to close the gap.  Magnolia got so mad at him (for not getting a Fat Boy ice cream bar for her too), she hopped on ole Hancock and headed north with him and ole Bumper straining to keep up.  An unsubstantiated rumor has them holding up for awhile in a church in Chamayo, New Mexico.  The next part of the story was told by Magnolia herself to one of her grandchildren and will be passed down through subsequent generations at Pass Patrol Campfires for years to come.

Their last hideout before leaving New Mexico was at the Two Spoons Hideout near Ojos Caliente, New Mexico.  According to Magnolia, she opened a saloon there and offered Trapdoor a job as a dealer but he didn’t wanna be caught there with one of Outlaws girls, so they both packed up and hightailed it back for Denver.  Outlaw never even knew they was gone.      =========================The authors have spent years identifying and retracing the trail of Trapdoor and Magnolia.  Their research is presented here just in case you’ed like to head south next winter.

     Their meeting place was close to the rest stop south of Castle Rock.  Follow I25 south to Las Vegas, New Mexico.  Take 84 south to San Ignacio.  Take 219 south to Pastura and then 54 southeast to Vaughn.  At Vaughn, have a piece of pie and ice cream...they did.

     Leave Vaughn on 285 south to Roswell.  Take 380 east to 409 south.  Take 409 south to the Bottomless Lakes State Park.  Return the same route to Roswell and take 285 south to Artesia.  At Artesia, take 82 west to Hope.  At Hope take county rd 12 south for three miles and take a right.  Stay on this road past the Casabonne Ranch.  Take the road heading south at that point until you come to the Bullis Canyon Road.  Follow this road until you get to Lincoln National Forest Road 67.  Follow 67 south until you come to RD 313.  (Do not take any other side road off of 67.  Trapdoor and Magnolia did and they found a spot with 8 dead sheep. a steers head, and a dead horse.)  This is the road leading to the famous Outlaw hideout which was never found.

Follow 313 (The Good Stew Hideout is located on 313) until you go through a gate with the road going to the left or the right. The road to the right takes you about 12 miles into the desert where the Alien Navigation Beacon  is located. The road to the left will eventually lead you to highway 137.  A WORD OF WARNING!!!!  THIS PART IS NOT FOR THE FAINTHEARTED OR UNPREPARED.  This area is filled with roads that go nowhere and you could very easily get lost.  Take extra gas, food, and water.  You will have to use a compass to navigate yourself out.  THE AUTHORS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE WHO TRIES THIS WITHOUT PROPER PREPARATION.

     Once you find 137, take it east until you come to 285 which you will take south.  Follow 285 south to Carlsbad and then take 180 west to the Carlsbad Caverns.  Retrace your steps until you come to 137.

     Follow 137 west for 2.4 miles and you will see a fence. Go through the gate.  At the next intersection take a left and go to where the road stops.  This is the Candlelight Dinner Hideout.  Retrace your original route back up 285 to Roswell. At Roswell take 380 east to San Antonio.

      Take Interstate 25 north at this point and follow it until you get to Santa Fe.  At Santa Fe, take 84/285 north until you get to Espanola.

     At Espanola, take highway 76 to the church at Chamayo.  Go back to Espanola and take 285 north until you come to Ojos Caliente.  Take 111 for 4 miles and then take a rt. on 519.  3.2 miles on the left will be a jeep trail which will take you to Two Spoons Hideout.  After you leave the hideout, go back to 519 and take it north until it connects back to 285 north.  WARNING...519 north of the hideout is a 4X4 road.

It was at some point past this place where we lost all trace of  the hero and heroine of our story.  The only thing for certain is that they lived and they lived wild and free

Editor’s note:  Trapdoor and Magnolia have been with Pass Patrol for years.  Both have active imaginations and both know how to have a very good time as this story indicates.  Actually, this story may be evidence that both were abducted by aliens and their minds taken from them.  

The next time you talk to Trapdoor, ask him about the time he left ole Bumper idling and got out to take a look over a cliff.  While he was out, ole Bumper slipped into reverse and started moving.  Trapdoor spent the next several minutes chasing ole Bumper as it went around and around in tight cirlce in reverse.  With each circle it came closer and closer to that cliff.

Happy Trails!